Today my middle son hit my youngest son in the face with a Ziploc bag full of pennies.  It was premeditated, and as I burst into the dining room to sort it all out, I found myself saying the oddest thing:  “Don’t do bad things with your money.” It was an odd time to link money to intent, but it was also strangely fitting.

This discussion is in no way intended to establish what is “good” or what is “bad.” As long as you are not doing something illegal with your money, it is always a deeply personal choice as to how you should spend it.  I’m sure no one can deny, however, that inappropriate spending can lead to a world of hurt.  My son’s most recent outburst shed some light on how money can signify a conscious decision and why there is always hope for something better.  As in the case of my young son (who is four and very stubborn), he used money to carry out a poor decision.  Here are a few parallels of interest:

Money is simply the tool.  As with most “bad” decisions, there is usually a premeditated mental process that a person goes through before acting badly.  My son had the entire length of the dining room to determine that he was going to jack his brother in the face.  Whether he used a Tonka truck, the flat end of his sneaker, or the aforementioned bag of pennies, harm was going to be done.  Money was just the means to the end. 

We can say the same for any bad purchase we make.  If harm is to be done through something we buy, it is rarely in the transaction that we go wrong.  We make a decision to buy it, and we follow through.  Money isn’t evil… Money (whether cash or credit) just gets us there.

You don’t have to follow through.  Simply thinking a bad thought isn’t the same as doing it.  Getting angry and wanting to clock someone in the face won’t get you in near the trouble as winding up the bag of money and letting it fly.  My son had plenty of time to rethink his decision.  As you load up your cart with stuff you don’t need or want, take time to consider your options.  Until you scan that card, you can change your mind.  (I’ve been known to leave items at the checkout line after pondering their value.  The cashier may not be too thrilled, but ultimately, it’s your right to walk away.)

Sometimes, you really can go back.  Actions can’t really be “undone,” but they can sometimes be made better.  The bigger the grievance, the more you will have to work at making it right, and the consequences may still be felt for years.  If you act sooner than later, however, there is usually a way to help the situation.  (As soon as my son realized what he had done, he dropped the sack of money and leaned into my youngest for a hug.  He really did feel bad, and not surprisingly, my youngest forgave him.)

If you go overboard with your spending, you can usually make amends with your pocketbook:

• Take stuff back you don’t need. 
• Sell what you can’t return. 
• Make good use of the things you are stuck with. 

   

Bad decisions don’t have to haunt you forever, as long as you learn and move on in a responsible manner. Money doesn't have to be a bad thing, at all.

When do you think you've made it to the land of financial freedom?

Financial independence was a goal of mine when I started MoneyNing.com in 2007. Back then, I thought of the goal as a number. "When I have a million dollars in the bank, I'd be all set..." (See also: 5 Steps Toward Financial Independence)

Then I started writing, thinking, and talking about money matters on a daily basis, and that number changed. Sometimes, all the glamorous advertisements and a few impulse purchases would prompt me to increase this number. Other times, I would be reminded that material happiness is just temporary relief and I would lower the number.

It slowly occurred to me that financial independence isn't merely hitting a number, but being in the right state of mind. Some people can't retire until they have $12 million in retirement funds, while others can live on $300,000. The difference has nothing to do with the ability to find coupons, but it has everything to do with their expectations.

The funny thing is that I probably know more happy people who don't have oodles of money than satisfied, wealthy people. This may sound counter-intuitive, but the more money people have, the more money they seem to need. Of course, the money is not for survival purposes; they want more because they compare. Wealthy people are exposed to more luxury, and they subsequently want more. They see ultra expensive stuff, and they want everything.

Every company is out there trying to get more sales. No matter how much money you have, you won't have enough to buy everything out there. If you keep chasing, you will always need to run. You cannot win.

What Is Financial Independence

It is very easy to look at our assets and see if we can meet a certain retirement number that a financial article would cite, but honestly, who cares what someone else's number is?

If you have $1 million in retirement funds right now, have your house paid off and have expenses of less than $1,000 a month, why does it matter that someone else thinks they need $3 million to retire?

On the other hand, if your expenses are $20,000 a month and you have $3 million, of course you can't retire yet. You need way more than what you have. And you know what? I bet the other guy with $1 million is happier than you, too.

It's All Based on You

Financial independence is not needing to base your living decisions on financial constraints. You can achieve freedom with more money or less spending. Which road you decide to take is entirely up to you.

Just realize that once you reach a certain level of income, keeping your spending in check is a much easier way to keep up.

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"It is axiomatic that as we mature and grow in years and experience we must be able to meet more demanding social situations with confidence and ease." — Amy Vanderbilt, The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette

Using proper etiquette does not mean you are stuffy or old-fashioned. To me, having manners means you are a respectful person and considerate of others. Use of etiquette can convey respect of other cultures, traditions, or religions. (See also: New York City Basic Tips and Etiquette)

Below are 10 rules of etiquette — some old, some new — that I feel are important and have been too often ignored lately.

1. The RSVP

RSVP is an acronym of the French phrase, "Respondez s'il vous plait," or "Respond, if you please."

I have been guilty of not quickly responding to RSVPs, myself. Why? I think they are a little anxiety-provoking. Often, the events are formal, and you wonder if you can afford to go because you might need to dress up or pay for travel. Another issue with RSVPs is that they are sometimes so far in advance, and it can be difficult to commit to something in the future. However, if you have ever thrown a formal or large party, you really do need to know how many guests will be attending. Details have to be nailed down, like the amount of food or liquor to buy, and having enough chairs and tables. Do your host or hostess a favor and let them know, by the date indicated on the invitation, if you're a "yes" or a "no." (See also: How to Save $5000 on Your Wedding)

2. Place Settings

Which fork do I use? We have all been there...seated at a formal table, and thought, "Omigosh, which fork am I supposed to use?" Relax, there is an easy way to remember: Work from the outside in.

That shorter fork is for your salad. Start there. With each new course, just work your way in. When you are done, simply place your utensils side by side at an angle on your plate (fork tines facing up, knife blade facing the center of the plate), which is a signal to the waiter that you are done.

One more bit of table advice: Wait until your hostess is seated before you start eating. When she picks up her fork, so can you. If you are a parent, even if your own style is very informal, please teach your children how to handle this situation, so that when they encounter all that cutlery someday, they are not unnerved. (See also: 11 Rules of Excellent Houseguest Etiquette)

3. Thank-You Notes

The thank-you note is essential in both everyday life as well as in business correspondence. If someone has gone through the trouble of buying you a gift, has helped you, or simply done something nice, the very least you can do is to say thank you. Even small children can draw pictures, and later write very charming notes. I have a few on my refrigerator. (See also: 20+ Ways to Say Thanks)

I am not a fan of the pre-printed notes and simply signing your name. Those just do not convey much effort or gratitude. If you are stuck about what to say, my trick is to first draft the note on the computer or a piece of paper until I get it right. Contrary to popular belief, brides and grooms, you do not have a year to send out thank-you notes. There may have been a time for that (pony express?) but in a modern world, there is no reason to not get them done within a few months of the wedding.

4. Handshakes

Have you ever had a handshake that made you think, "Yuck!"? I personally am offended when someone just lays their hand in mine like a dead fish. My husband points out the other end of the spectrum — the "bone-crusher," which must be meant to prove a manly point. There is actually a correct way to do a handshake (good video, there). (See also: How to Make a Good First Impression at a Job Interview)

5. Hygiene Belongs at Home

Recently, we were at a restaurant, and the woman in back of us began flossing her teeth. Can we all agree that this is unacceptable? Flossing should be done at home, or at least in a bathroom. It is not fun for people around you to watch you get stuff out of your teeth. Adding to the "hygiene belongs at home" category:

• Clipping your nails (I once sat in the front row of a Moscow Symphony concert and a man behind me clipped his nails. I thought the cellist might stab him with her bow.)
   
• Brushing or combing your hair, especially while in a restaurant (hair flies around!).
   
• Brushing your teeth in a public bathroom (if you must, please clean the sink after you do so).

6. Punctuality

I imagine that mental health professionals could give me a better understanding of why some people are constantly late for meetings, dinners, movies, etc. To me, though, it's just rude. In a business setting, being late to a meeting says,"My time is more important than yours." I also don't think dropping off your pen and paper, then announcing that you need to run to the bathroom or get coffee, "counts" as being on time.

My own solution, in the office setting, is to give it five minutes — tops — and then I start the meeting. If it is not a meeting I have called, same thing — I wait five minutes, and then leave. Some may find that drastic, but it works. In social settings, late people cause their friends to miss movies, dinner reservations, oven timers, etc. If you are one of those "I'm always late" people, you may wish to examine your reasons for lateness, before you stop getting invitations. (See also: How to Be on Time)

7. Introductions

This is another rule of etiquette that seems to cause social anxiety. Emily Post has a very practical method for introductions: Speak to the person you wish to honor first. What I find often, because I have an unusual first name, is that people simply have forgotten what my name is. If you sense that is a problem, just introduce yourself when there is a break in the conversation, and then shake hands. That will take stress off of the person who cannot remember if you are Maria, Martha, Mary, or Marla (so nice of you to remember!). (See also: Tips for Remembering Names)

8. Cell Phones

My husband says I am beating a dead horse here, but I don't give up easily.

• If you are in a public line (post office, grocery store, DMV) and everyone around you now knows your business, you are speaking too loudly.
   
• In a restaurant, cells should be silenced. If you receive an important call, you should excuse yourself and go outside to take the call.
   
• If we are talking, and you are texting, I do not have your full attention.
   
• In a movie theater, cells should be silenced, or turned off, if possible. Even the screen can light up in the dark, which is distracting.
   
• It's dangerous to talk on a cell or text while driving.
   
• In a business meeting, unless you are a medical professional who might be urgently needed, I do not see the need for you to be texting.

9. Deaths

When someone dies, their families are in emotional pain. The disturbing trend I have seen is that those losses are not acknowledged, because people just don't know what to do or say. Please make an effort to reach out, in one way or another, because it is hurtful to the bereaved if you ignore their loss. (See also: How to Express Condolences)

Start with reading the obituary in the paper, or from the funeral home, because they may describe the decedent's wishes. For instance, "In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to X charity" is very common. Secondly, send a letter, or a card, at the very minimum. If you can attend the funeral or memorial, it will be appreciated by the family. I also advocate taking food to the family. Sometimes, the bereaved just doesn't feel up to cooking for a while. They may also have visitors, and if you take a deli platter or a cake, they will have something to offer folks while they visit. Lastly, don't forget to include these bereaved friends or coworkers weeks or months after their loss. A widow may appreciate a dinner invitation; a friend or co-worker might enjoy seeing a movie with you.

10. Everyday, Common Consideration

When shopping, do you leave your basket in the middle of the aisle, so others cannot pass? Do you take up more than one space when you park? Why are you honking your horn? Did you interrupt somebody while they are speaking? While these might seem like small annoyances, what is at their core is using respect and consideration for others.

What rules of etiquette do you think are falling by the wayside?

Editor's Note: This is Part 2 of a two-part article on harnessing the power of habits to change lives for the better. To learn more about the structure of habits, be sure to read Part 1: Habits Aren't Boring — They're the Secret to Happiness. Here's Why.

Having good daily habits helps us work step-by-step towards our goals and makes us more productive. However, we all know that changing habits can be very difficult, especially if the habit is deeply ingrained and the reward is something that feels good. (See also: "Good" Eating Habits That Are Keeping Us Fat)

I covered the latest research around habits in much greater detail in another recent Wise Bread post, but the key, it seems, to breaking bad habits and installing good ones breaks down into two parts. The first is understanding why we might want to do such things, i.e., why having good, daily habits is good for you. The second is leveraging the structure of a habit (the cue, the routine, and the reward), so that it works for us.

As it turns out, scientists have developed a technique that seems to be the best way to change a habit. This has helped people change some awful habits that made their lives hell, so it can probably help us, too.

To test the power of this theory, I'm applying these steps to one of the habits I'd love to change: my daily interaction with social media. For a long time, I felt like social media ended up dominating my time, even when I didn't want it to. I would tell my daughter that I'd read her a book when I finished checking Facebook, only to look up 15 minutes later and realize I still hadn't read to her. So here is a small example of how this process could look in daily life. (See also: Ways to Break Your Social Media Habit)

1. Figure Out What You Want to Change

For this step, look at the routine — the pattern of behavior that makes up the habit. What is the action, set of actions, or behavior that needs to be different?

In my life, the behavior was losing myself and my sense of time online. I wanted to be able to check Facebook, email, or Twitter, but do it efficiently and without getting sucked in for longer than a few minutes at a time.

2. Try Some Different Rewards

We perform our habits because of the rewards they offer. Thus, if we can figure out what reward we are craving, then we can almost always figure out another way to get it. We may need to delve deeper into this line of questioning, asking ourselves what we are getting by performing or avoiding a certain task that seems to lead to a reward we would want.

When it came to my time online, I realized that what I wanted was to feel connected. I wanted to feel like I knew what was going on in the world, with my friends, and in the lives of people I respect and look up to, even when I had been at home with my kids all day. I also wanted to feel connected with my kids, which was a huge part of my reward for changing this habit. (See also: Why Video Is the Best Way to Connect With People)

Rewards Aren't Easy to Find

Finding a reward that works for you can be the most difficult part of changing a habit. It's hard to find a reward that meets your needs and isn't destructive, especially when the existing reward is the whole reason why you have the habit in the first place. Also, as in my own case, the reward can be pretty abstract, which makes it even harder to pinpoint. Here are some thoughts on determining the reward for your distressing habit.

• Use a journal. When you feel like performing your existing habit, or when you have just performed it, write about how you feel. Write about what you felt like you were lacking before you went through your routine, and how you feel better about that afterwards.

• Check different rewards. Every time you feel like performing your habit, try doing something different that gives a different reward. If you feel like you want a cookie, try eating some carrots instead. If they satisfy your need, then maybe your reward was the cessation of hunger. If they don't, try taking a nap, chewing gum, or talking to a friend next time. When you find something that works, you'll get clues into your reward.

• Ask around. Talk to some close friends or family members about the habit you want to change. This can be nerve-wracking, especially if you feel ashamed about the habit. However, people close to you often have more insight into your behavior than you might think, and they will be likely to have some thoughts about what you're really looking for when you perform your habit.

3. Determine Your Cue(s)

This means looking at the situation that occurs right before you enter your routine. There are five questions that generally help analyze this.

1. Where are you? (I'm usually at home.)

2. What time is it? (Whenever.)

3. What's your emotional state? (Tired, physically and emotionally depleted, feeling like I deserve an easy reward.)

4. Who else is around? (Some combination of my three children.)

5. What action preceded the urge? (Usually I get sucked into social media right after I complete a task or meet someone's need.)

When I used this to work through my actions tied to social media, I realized that I was trying to meet my legitimate need for adult interaction and connectedness at times when I was feeling especially tired. My cues, then, were emotional and physical, but not tied to a particular time or place. Depending on the habit, any one or combination of these questions can make up the cue. (See also: 7 Habits That Make Us Happier)

4. Come Up With a Plan

When you have a plan, you will be more likely to beat your habit. A huge part of this involves making your cues conscious, rather than unconscious, so that you can see when they happen and implement your new set of actions.

In my case, I found it useful to plan out a few in-person social interactions every week. These involved meals or coffee out with friends, having other couples and families over to our home in the evenings, and planning phone calls with far away friends. Having these places of adult social interaction helped me feel like I was connected (or going to be connected) with people, and so I didn't have to search for that all day long. (See also: Why Cultivating Relationships Is Good for You)

I also found a place for my electronic devices that was easily within my reach if I really needed them, but not so close that I could check them without thinking. This helped me to make my cues conscious, because I had to think about where my phone, iPad, and computer were before I could use them. That interruption was usually enough for me to determine whether it was really a good time to check in online and, if not, what I might rather be doing with my time.

My New Habit

In the end, I found changing this habit to be a powerful motion in my life. Now, I not only spend more time with my kids and feel like I know them a little bit better, but I get more done in my days, too. I use my time better, both online and offline, and I spend more time interacting with the people close to me in real life, which is more satisfying and has helped our relationships grow.

Habits can be difficult and frustrating, as I well know, but they can also make our lives more productive and ourselves happier. It is worth understanding the how and why of daily habits, so that we can make their power work for us rather than against us.

Have you successfully changed any of your habits for the better? What worked for you?

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If you want to know the golden rule of good social skills, here it is summed up in one clear expression that I've held onto since I first heard it many years ago:

It doesn't matter what you do or say, what matters is how people feel about you when you leave the room.

That's it. If you want to be thought of as a good listener, then listen and don't interrupt. If you want to be seen as charitable, then offer at least one charitable contribution every time you interact with someone — even if it's a compliment. Remember, having good social skills doesn't mean that you impress people with your intelligence or your great sense of humor or your good looks. It means they like you. (See also: 10 Rules of Etiquette Everyone Should Know)

So here are some things folks with great social skills never do — or, to be honest, almost never ever do.

1. Never Let a Good Deed Go Unpaid

When someone does you a favor, return with a favor someday. It may even be better to wait a little while, so the person knows you've been waiting for the perfect way to repay them. (This includes always show up with a gift. That way you're repaying someone for their hospitality right away.)

2. Never Forget a Name

Well, never is pretty tough, but people with great social skills are enormously gifted at remembering names. It may be no fault of your own that you are forgetful, but if that's the case try developing a trick or two for helping remember names. What I do is on the ride home, I try to remember all the names from the event or gathering.

3. Never Interrupt

Never interrupt, unless it's a necessity. What you have to say is not unimportant, but it is rarely life or death for you to say it. Remember: It's not what you do or say, it's how they feel about you when you leave the room.

4. Never Forget to Check In and Out

A host or hostess is in charge of safety, at least on some level. If you go to Yankee Stadium, you don't have to drop in on the security office and check in and out, but in visits to a pool party on up to a school event you should make sure the head of the event (the principal's office, for example, or your host) knows you are there and when you are leaving.

Plus, how would you like it if your guests came and went without saying "Hi" and "Bye"?

5. Never Let Your Appearance Go

This doesn't mean go around in formal dress, but shave, comb hair, brush teeth, smell nice, clean clothes. Maintain good hygiene even in trips to the liquor store. (Especially in trips to the liquor store.)

6. Never Raise Your Voice

Again, never is a long time, but people with good social skills err on the side of talking quietly, rather than talking loudly.

7. Never Get Too Excited or Angry

Once you get out of college, the days of war paint at football games and other forms of public hysteria are over. Time to settle down, big guy.

8. Never Let Yourself Get Walked On

Having good social skills does not mean being a polite patsy. When it's time to stand up for yourself, do so.

9. Never Swear in Front of People Not Your Age

This comes from Ernest Hemingway (oddly enough). If you swear in front of children, that's not so good. If you swear in front of your parents and other older folks, it's disrespectful. Keep your swearing in your own age group and then be sparing.

10. Never Be a Party Pooper

Safety is one thing, but if everyone is having fun and that's just not you at the moment, then walk away and have your down time somewhere else. Don't stick around and ruin everyone's good time.

11. Never Leave Someone Out

People with good social skills know to include everyone in the room and introduce themselves to even the quiet ones pressed against the wall or looking left out.

12. Never Blurt Out Something Hurtful

Some information just isn't necessary. "I never liked you," is a good example. Keep those toady items to yourself or share them with discrete company later — or better, never share them at all.

13. Never Fight Immaturely

People fight sometimes, but people with good social skills keep disagreements on a mature level. They discuss behaviors that can change. It's fair to say, "I want you to get here on time," but it's not fair to say, "You're late because you're stupid and lazy."

14. Never Laugh at Others' Expense

The classic example is someone accidentally drops a tray in the cafeteria. How many people point and guffaw? How many snicker? How many just sit there?

And how many go over and help?

15. Never Get Caught Without a Clean Joke

Knock-knock.

Who's there.

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c--

MOOOO!

Always keep a clean joke handy, just in case there are kids around.

16. Never Upset the Apple Cart

If it's a serious occasion, joking around would be the way to upset the apple cart. If it's a casual, fun gathering, morosely discussing your stock portfolio would be considered inappropriate.

17. Never Ignore People

The rule of thumb is explained in "I'm OK, You're OK," the book by Thomas Anthony Harris that launched transactional analysis in 1967. One transaction, for example, would be a stranger nodding hello as you pass them on the on the sidewalk. If you don't nod or smile in return, they feel they have come up short in the social transaction. They feel slighted. Don't slight them by ignoring them.

18. Never Get Caught Without an Ice-Breaker

This doesn't mean you always have to break the ice. It means that other people sometimes need a friendly hello for whatever reason. Be ready with a question, comment, or quip — hopefully one that will give the other person a chance to respond.

Anything I've missed? What social skills do you think are important? Please share in comments!

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Debbie Downer, Moaning Myrtle, Negative Nancy. Slang terms like this make us feel like we have to be constantly upbeat and positive if we want to live a good life. However, recent research suggests that some degree of negativity can be helpful and essential to our health and happiness. (See also: Pessimism Pays)

Here are five ways that negativity can work for you.

1. Find the Downside

We've all gone into situations thinking that they would be positive experiences only to have them quickly go south. Then, as we reflect on went wrong, we often realize that there were warning signs from the very beginning that we either didn't see or chose to ignore. Negativity can help us find and consider the downsides of a situation and that can save us from emotional and physical distress down the road by either saving us from getting involved in the situation or at least making us aware of what could go wrong if we move forward.

2. Save Money

If something seems too good to be true, that's a cue for us to dig deeper with eyes and ears wide open. This is especially important when we are considering a large purchase such as buying a home or a car. Our negativity forces us to ask probing questions so that we aren't fooled by slick marketing and clever PR tactics.

3. Save Time

Time is our greatest and scarcest resource. More than ever before, companies, organizations, and individuals compete for our time and attention. If you're not careful, your calendar could quickly fill up with to-do items that are less than enjoyable. Negativity can keep us from overcommitting our time and helps to focus us on what we truly want to do rather than feeling obligated to do things we don't want to do. (See also: 25 Ways to Take 5 Minutes for Yourself)

4. Stay Safe

Negativity and doubt have their place when it comes to our evolution.

Let's say the sky looks dark and threatening. An optimist might say, "That storm will blow over or be short-lived. No sense is changing my plans for the weather!" A pessimist may look at that same sky and say, "That looks dangerous. I better hold off on going out until the weather clears up." If that sky is indeed indicative of dangerous weather, it's best to take cover and wait for more information, especially with the wild weather we're having this year! Negativity can literally keep us out of harm's way.

5. Be Prepared

Pessimists tend to place a premium on preparation while optimists often wing it and believe everything will turn out fine in the end.

Sometimes going with the flow is fun and sometimes it leads to disaster. If you have an important job interview coming up, it's best to be prepared. Research the company, the role, and the people whom you'll meet with during the interview. Make sure you have examples to pull from your experience that align with the responsibilities of the job and a handful of questions to ask if the interviewers are open to them. Negativity can be a saving grace in high-pressure situations that require preparation and practice.

Despite the benefits, too much negativity can lead to depression and low self-esteem. It's important to balance our sense of optimism and negativity so that we can clearly see situations and people for what and who they really are. Using both outlooks helps us to evaluate opportunities for maximum personal benefit.

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Which outlook has benefited you most, in terms of personal finance? Please share in comments!

When I was in my early 20s, I had a lovely photograph of a solitary woman hanging in my bedroom. My mother suggested that I switch it out for a picture of a couple. According to a theory of Feng Shui that she had read, the way you decorate your home reflects your intentions — so if you have artwork depicting loneliness in your bedroom, then you're more likely to be unlucky in love.

I rolled my eyes at my mom — but I switched out the picture of the woman for a poster of Robert Doisneau's famous photograph Le baiser de l'hôtel de ville, which I had previously displayed in my living room.

A few months after making the switch, I met the man who is now my husband.

While proponents of Feng Shui, the law of attraction, and other somewhat off-the-wall theories about cause and effect would claim that the universe responded to my decorating change, science offers an even more intriguing possibility: priming.

Understanding Priming

Psychologists have discovered that our behavior and thinking can change based upon the context of information that we receive. This phenomenon is known as priming, and it can affect everything from your behavior to your emotions.

For instance, researchers have found that simply hearing the words Florida, forgetful, and wrinkle is enough to cause individuals to start walking more slowly, as if they are feeling the effects of aging. In another experiment, researchers have found that individuals holding a hot cup of coffee when talking to another person felt more positive about the conversation. The warmth of the cup translated into a feeling of warmth about the interaction.

Think Yourself Rich

There are various ways to provide your brain with the kind of stimulus that can help to achieve your financial dreams — just as I reached my romantic dream. Here are four things you can do to help put your mind to work for you.

1. Visualize Doing It

Athletes have understood the importance of active visualization for some time. They will often spend hours thinking about what it will look like, sound like, and feel like to stick the landing, sink the shot, or hit the ball.

In a recent study at the University of Chicago, three groups of participants were asked to make as many free throws as they could. Then, the first group was asked to practice free throws for an hour every day, the second group was asked to visualize making free throws every day, and the third group did nothing. A month later, the first group had improved by 24%. The second group had improved by an impressive 23% without setting foot on a basketball court. The control group had made no improvement. Clearly, visualizing an activity can help you improve your performance.

It's important to clarify that visualizing is very different from creating a vision board. That's because vision boards can actually be detrimental to your goals. Studies that ask participants to envision good outcomes (such as getting an A on an exam or winning a tennis match) have found that the participants do worse on their exam or match if they have visualized the positive outcome. That's because those types of visions skip over the hard work (and those visualizers do study and practice less), and jumps right to the feel-good ending. This is clearly not helpful.

The difference between the type of visualizing that athletes do and the vision boards is action. Athletic visualization is very active and involves multiple senses. Imagining winning the gold or cutting out pictures of the things you'd like to own someday is much more passive and dreamy.

If you want to visualize yourself rich, spend your visualization time thinking through how you will handle various financial situations, from salary negotiation to saying no to pressures to spend money. Priming your brain for these situations ahead of time will do much more for your ability to get rich than gluing a picture of a yacht to a piece of poster board.

2. Appreciate What You Have

If you want to use your mind to make yourself rich, take a moment to truly look at all that you have with new eyes. Isn't it incredible that you can speak to people the world over, learn almost anything about almost any subject, and look at pictures of grumpy cats using a device no bigger than a deck of cards? We really are living in an exciting time and there is an incredible bounty available to us.

Reminding yourself of the abundance in your life allows you to step out of the "consume consume consume" culture that we live in and recognize that you can feel rich with what you already have. While this thought experiment will not necessarily add dollars to your bank account, it will leave you feeling richer and more satisfied with your life — and isn't that the point of wealth?

3. Give Money Away

In his book More Than Enough: The Ten Keys to Changing Your Financial Destiny, Dave Ramsey talks about the difference between having an open hand or a closed fist:

I see the closed fist often in the area of money: a fist full of dollars tightly held so that those precious dollars never get away. That closed fist represents someone who doesn't know how to give. They think if they clutch those dollars tight enough, never giving, that they are on the path to more than enough. The real world will teach you that the opposite is true: those with more than enough got there by giving.

All of this sounds a little woo-woo, but there is something to Ramsey's analogy. Specifically, individuals who are close-fisted with their money tend to have very negative money scripts — unconscious beliefs about money created in childhood. If you feel that you must hold tightly to your money, you probably believe things like there will never be enough money or the amount of money you have reflects on who you are as a person.

One solution to dealing with these money scripts is to get in the habit of giving money away. If you change your attitude about money from something that you must tightly hold to something that flows through your life, then you are in a better position to see and accept wealth-generating opportunities when they arise.

4. Repeat Positive Affirmations

Stuart Smalley was onto something when he repeatedly told himself, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!"

As it turns out, positive affirmations can really help prime your brain to make significant changes. That's because your mind does not know the difference between reality and fantasy. This is why your heart races while watching a horror movie — your mind is empathizing with the characters on the screen even though you know intellectually that they are not real.

So if you tell yourself over and over "I welcome wealth into my life and I love the positive energy that money brings to me," then your mind will fall in line with the belief system you are stating. Repeat your affirmations out loud three times a day for five minutes. And be like Stuart — look at yourself in the mirror while you're doing it.

If you find yourself rolling your eyes when you state your affirmations, however, you might see no results from this new habit. That's because we all already have affirmations in our heads, and many of them are very negative. You might be trying to reprogram your mind by stating a positive affirmation, but the negative voice inside is undermining it by whispering something like, This is stupid. You will always struggle with money."

If you do have a negative reaction to affirmations, it's a good idea to examine exactly what that inner voice is saying and poke holes in the negative message. Don't let your negative affirmation get in the way of your wealth.

Harness the Power of Your Brain

The human mind is an incredible machine. It helps to create the reality you live in, and you can give it gentle nudges toward the goals you want. If you visualize, appreciate, give, and affirm, your brain will help to bring you closer to the lifestyle you deserve.

Have you used the power of your brain to build wealth — or sink more putts? Please share in comments!

Much rudeness is inadvertent. In fact, even the most polite among us probably have some bad habits that make us appear rude when we don't mean to be. (See also: 13 Things People With Good Table Manners Never Do)

Wondering what you do that might come across as impolite? Read below for some ideas.

1. Being "All Business" in Electronic Communication

It's good to be professional and businesslike in your communication, especially when you're doing it for business purposes. When you communicate electronically, though, it's easy to come across as cold, uncaring, and rude when you focus entirely on business. Think about adding on a "How are you?" or "I hope you're doing well," so the person on the other end knows you care.

2. Forgetting to RSVP

Even if you don't know your plans and won't until the last minute, contact the host to let them know. Ask if you can still show up (or bring more people), or if it would be easier to just decline the invitation. Being honest with your host is always better than not responding at all.

3. Not Handling Germs Properly

You're sick. You feel like crap. But you can still cover your mouth (and then not offer the covering hand when you shake hands). Even if you're polite, it's easy to forget to protect others from your germs, especially when you're coughing and sneezing a lot. If you must go out in public, though, make the effort to contain your illness.

4. Focusing Too Much

Focusing in and of itself is not a problem, but when you end up ignoring other people or treating them dismissively, it can come across as rude. If you need to focus intently to do a task, try to do that in a private place. Otherwise, you can figure out a way to not focus so intensely, or you can be sure to apologize and explain — "I was so focused on that task that I didn't see you."

5. Not Cleaning Up After Yourself

Most polite people take pains to clean up any messes they create so that others don't have to. However, in busy or stressful situations, even the most polite person can forget himself and leave a mess behind. If you can't stop at the moment, at least notify someone of the mess and offer to come back later to fix it. They may not take you up on it, but they will know that you care.

6. Giving One-Word Answers

Sometimes, there's just not much to say. While you can be both polite and introspective, or in need of down time, or bereft of words, when someone speaks to you, try to give them a complete answer. If you don't have much to say, tell them, "I don't really have an opinion on that. I'll think about it and get back to you if something comes up."

7. Crossing Your Arms

Crossing your arms is a self-protective gesture, one designed to keep people away from you. You're there, you're in it, so take a deep breath and face the situation in front of you courageously and openly, rather than communicating that you wish you could run and hide.

8. Overusing Sarcasm

Sarcastic humor is often funny at the expense of someone else, and, even if that person thinks you're funny, too, constantly teasing others is not polite. If you can't think of something funny without being sarcastic, it's much more polite to be quiet.

9. Forgetting Cell Phone Etiquette

The whens and hows of being on your cell phone are much debated right now. There are some absolutes, though, that even polite people violate from time to time. It's always rude to interrupt one person by taking a call or text from another. If you are waiting for an important call, at least be sure that the person you're "in person" with knows that and understands why you must take it. And if you're having trouble hearing or being heard during a call, politely hang up and try again later, rather than carrying on a conversation everyone around you can't help but hear.

10. Misusing Social Media

Social media can be a great place to try on a new personality or to be a bit different than who you are in real life. But sometimes even polite people fall into the trap of letting go of their politeness online, because they feel anonymous and it doesn't seem like anyone will get hurt. Be careful, thoughtful, and remember that words hurt whether they are written on a screen or said out loud — be sure that your online persona lines up with your polite, offline one.

Do you consider yourself a polite person? Where do you find yourself falling into rudeness?

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As parents, we all want the best for our kids. But we all make mistakes. And while parenting mistakes may not be brought up at birthday parties and playdates, you can be reasonably sure most parents have struggled with at least a few of these.

1. Protecting Your Child From Every Risk

It's hard to see your child going through anything difficult, from getting a bump or scrape, to dealing with the mean kids on the playground. A common parenting mistake, however, is protecting your child from any hard situation. Recent research shows that insulating our kids from adversity may make them less resilient in the long run, leading to depression when faced with the real problems in life.

Start building resilience in your children early on by allowing them to take risks, and to experience and solve problems by themselves. At the same time, ensure that they feel loved and accepted, which will help them to have the courage to tackle challenges outside the home.

2. Structuring Too Much of Your Child's Time

In today's climate of "tiger" parenting, it can often feel like you have to schedule your child for every activity in order to get ahead. But research shows that over-structuring your child's time — whether with violin lessons, language studies, art classes, or sports teams — can actually harm his or her "executive function," the ability for the child to self-direct their own activities. Research shows that self-regulation and free play are vital for the child's future independence and academic achievement. So let your child enjoy being in charge of his/her own little world.

3. Praising Your Child in the Wrong Way

We know that parental approval and praise is an essential part of building a child's self-esteem, but we have to be cautious of how we dole out that praise. Excessively praising everything your children do can actually damage them in the long run, causing them to be afraid of trying new things or challenging themselves, for fear of losing their parents' approval. Recently, studies have shown that excessive praise can feed narcissism and over-inflated egos. At the same time, withholding praise can also cause insecurity. So how should we praise our kids?

Experts tend to think that praising their effort is the best way to praise our children. Instead of saying "You're so smart!" or "You won!" focus instead on the effort that your child put in to achieve their goal. Praise kids in proportion to how much they deserve it — don't make a big deal out of something that should be a routine responsibility. Tell them you're proud of them when they treat others with kindness and generosity. Tell your kids often that you love them, but don't send the message that they are better than or superior to other children.

4. Shaming Your Child

We all want our children to behave, but sometimes the methods we choose can have lasting consequences. Embarrassing your child in public may force them to behave as you wish in the short-term, but is unlikely to improve your relationship in the long-term. Shame is one of the most painful and anxiety-causing experiences of childhood. Because shaming attacks the person, rather than the behavior, it can damage a child's self-esteem. And because shaming denotes a lack of respect for the child, it can in turn cause the child to lose respect for the parent.

If you find yourself yelling phrases like, "What's wrong with you?" or berating your child in public, you may need to check your own behavior. It can be hard to be kind when you're frustrated, but be mindful of how you speak to your child. Treat him/her the way you would like to be treated, and use words that foster mutual respect.

5. Not Taking Time to Empathize

One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to be empathetic to your child. Empathy means truly listening to your child, understanding how he or she feels, and putting yourself in your child's shoes. The problem is, it's not always easy to empathize with your child when you're tired, busy, in a hurry, and your child is screaming their head off in the Target checkout lane.

Remember that children aren't necessarily trying to push your buttons — they just don't have the tools to manage their emotions yet. Get down at your child's level, look into their eyes, and try to understand how they're feeling. We all need to have our feelings acknowledged by a loving, accepting, parent. While you may not agree with the feelings or behavior, and will still need to enforce boundaries, simply letting your child know that you see how he/she really feels will go a long way towards fulfilling their emotional needs.

6. Refusing to Admit You're Wrong

As parents, we want to hold onto the authority in the household. But as role models, if we never admit our mistakes, how can we expect our children to? Admitting when you're wrong, apologizing, and working to right that wrong, shows our children that we respect them, and that we are willing to accept responsibility for our actions. We need to teach our children how to learn from their mistakes, not to be defensive and evasive when we've done something wrong. In addition, swallowing our pride shows kids that we love them more than we love being right.

7. Being Driven by Guilt

We're all flawed humans, no matter how perfect your friends' parenting may seem on Facebook. Don't dwell on your mistakes and let guilt drive your relationship with your kids. Instead, enjoy your time with your children, and remember that tomorrow is another day. We're all trying to do the best job we can, so cut yourself a little slack.

What parenting mistakes do you struggle with?

After family, friends, and coworkers, neighbors comprise one of our most basic social networks. Good neighbors keep a watchful eye on the community, help older folks live independently, pitch in when there's a local emergency, and provide many other benefits. That's why being a good neighbor is so important — and why being a terrible one is so damaging. Blissfully unaware of how you're viewed in the neighborhood? It's time for some critical self-review. Here are 10 ways you're being a terrible neighbor.

1. Moonlighting as a Mechanic

I'm all for saving a few bucks by repairing and maintaining your own car, but there's a limit. If your driveway features a permanent installation of automobiles on concrete blocks, you're probably annoying the neighbors. Remember, pneumatic drills and floodlights have a way of detracting from a neighborhood's charm.

2. Impolite Parking

According to data from U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey, only 2.5% of American households owned three or more vehicles in 1960. By 2013, that number had ballooned to 19.7%. Today, it's common for a family's fleet of vehicles to fill the garage, driveway, and a few curbside spaces.

If you must park on the street, avoid parking directly across from a driveway (it makes backing out difficult for the homeowner). And if you tend to park in front of the same few houses everyday, rotate your cars so your neighbors can catch a glimpse of an empty space every once in awhile.

3. Having Your Own Zoo

It's the trifecta of inconsiderate pet ownership: Allowing pets to run loose, not picking up dog waste during walks, and letting dogs bark at all hours. If you're guilty of any of these offenses, assume that each and every one of your neighbors is hoping you get transferred.

4. Letting Your Lawn Turn Into a Jungle

Sure, we all get busy and sometimes it's difficult to keep up with the pace of nature during the spring and summer months. Still, if you're not mowing consistently or you're letting overgrown branches obstruct sidewalks or streets, you're shirking your duties as a good neighbor. Forget the manicured lawn — just keep things relatively tidy and safe.

5. Burning Yard Waste

Though many communities have an ordinance against open burning within city limits, it's one of the most commonly-ignored laws on the books. If you're burning yard waste, you're reducing general air quality, bathing the neighborhood in trace amounts of carcinogens, and probably aggravating a few neighbors' chronic respiratory conditions.

6. Spurning the Shovel

If it snows in your part of the country, shoveling sidewalks is fact of life and an essential part of being a good neighbor. If you're not shoveling, you're creating an icy slip-and-slide that's particularly treacherous for young kids and the elderly.

7. Encroaching

Using even a small part of someone else's property creates instant ill will. Make sure your parking habits don't cut into a neighbor's lawn, your festive cookouts don't spill over into an adjoining yard, and your kids' skateboard circuit doesn't include 10 feet of the deck next door.

8. Explosive Celebrating

Legal or illegal, setting off fireworks of any kind won't win you a Neighbor of the Year Award. Fireworks disturb the peace, send pets into anxiety overdrive, set off sensitive car alarms, and fill the air with clouds of sulfur.

If you simply must vent your enthusiasm on the 4th of July, on New Year's Eve, or when your favorite sports franchise wins a game, try this: Shut yourself in a closet and blow a kazoo for a few minutes. Seriously. The sound is just about as pleasant and you get to keep all your fingers.

9. Not Securing Trash and Recyclables

Unsecured trash and recycling material gets blown around by the wind and carried off by raccoons. Avoid both by using quality garbage cans with tight-fitting lids and not setting out your trash too early on trash day. Also, promptly retrieve any loose items that the garbage collectors missed. Your neighbors will thank you.

10. Slamming Doors

This one's for all the apartment and condo-dwellers out there. Good neighbors don't let doors slam. Heavy modern doors that access stairwells, condo units, and common areas typically feature closure mechanisms for fire safety. Depending on how they're adjusted, these can cause doors to slam shut if you don't catch them first and soften the impact. No matter what time of day, slamming doors make every resident's life a little less peaceful.

Terrible neighbors have one thing in common: They're inconsiderate. They've lost sight of the fact that they're part of a community of folks who may not share their schedule, aesthetic sensibility, tolerance for noise, or appreciation for the fertilizing effects of dog poop. Transitioning from a terrible neighbor to a terrific one just takes a bit of self-awareness, some social graces — and maybe a kazoo.

Do you or your neighbors commit any of these unneighborly offenses? What's your biggest pet peeve about the people next door? Share with us!

If you're like most people, you've put a lot of time, energy, and money into your career. And you know that getting ahead in that career takes conscious (sometimes herculean) effort. With all you've invested, don't let a few bad habits drag you down the corporate ladder. Here are 10 unprofessional habits that could kill your career.

1. Ignoring the finer points of email

Sure, it's quick and casual, but electronic communication comes with its own set of rules. Crafting long-winded emails, not responding to messages in a timely fashion, typing in all caps, and forgetting to include fundamentals — like a personal salutation, or a please and a thank you — are all email no-no's. (See also: 10 Things You Should Never Say in a Work Email)

2. Using grade school grammar

In speech or in writing, stupid grammar mistakes can make you look uneducated and hurt your professional prospects. Polish your image by reviewing the fundamentals of good grammar, becoming more aware of how you communicate, and proofreading every word you write.

3. Dressing for a demotion

Though most work environments are casual these days, that doesn't mean anything goes. If you're confusing business casual with clubwear, wearing wrinkled shirts and slacks, and letting your pant cuffs drag on the floor, you're dressing for a demotion. Pay attention to wardrobe fundamentals like condition, fit, cleanliness, seasonality, and suitability. (See also: Build a Work Wardrobe for Any Job on a Budget)

4. Constant questioning

Asking questions is smart up to a point, but cross that invisible line and you become a drain on management. When given a new assignment or a different set of responsibilities, get all the information you can up front and then show your initiative by figuring out the rest as you go along.

5. Always being late

Arriving chronically late to work or meetings shows a disregard for your professional commitments, your coworkers' time, and your job in general. Protect your professional image by being punctual, or even better, showing up a few minutes early.

6. Taking sides in office politics

Nearly every workplace suffers from a bit of office politics. Choosing sides carries two risks: First, it takes your eye off the most crucial aspects of your job — performing well, learning all you can, and moving up. Second, you could simply align yourself with the wrong (that is, losing) side and suffer the direct or indirect consequences. Stay employed by diligently avoiding office politics goofs.

7. Displaying terrible table manners

Client dinners, lunch meetings, and all-day networking events are part of modern work life and opportunities to showcase your professional refinement. If your eating style is reminiscent of a bear fresh out of hibernation, it might be time to brush up on the basics of good table manners. (See also: 13 Things People With Good Table Manners Never Do)

8. Swearing like a sailor

No offense to professional sailors, but swearing in most work settings is a career-limiting communication habit. Even if it's the norm where you work, using profanity shows that you're not articulate enough to come up with more acceptable language. It may also make you appear quick to anger and unable to work through challenges constructively.

9. Bringin' the drama

How do you make tear-filled stories of sudden breakups, unfair arrests, and credit card problems even worse? You share those stories on the job and get fired. Constantly bringing personal issues into the workplace implies a problem with boundaries and a lack of professional focus. Save the drama for close friends and only discuss it outside of work.

10. Proselytizing

Proselytizing is just a fancy word for promoting a particular belief or attempting to convert people from one religion to another. Living your faith is one thing, but pushing it at work is quite another. Belief systems are intensely personal — the result of life experience, cultural influences, and long family histories. Don't alienate your coworkers or risk your job by making your personal faith a professional matter.